5 Seconds Is A Lot

Tonight, as I cleaned, my daughter was engrossed in her homework behind me. It was a moment like any other, yet deeply introspective. I listened absently to her chatter about Pez dispensers, but my mind was elsewhere. Suddenly, I found myself contemplating this simple scene from a divine perspective: the beauty of creation, the perfection of this moment in an imperfect world. A wave of joy swept over me, so intense that I had to turn away, focusing on cleaning the stove, as a sadness crept in—sadness that such moments are fleeting, beyond my grasp to preserve. In that moment, I grappled with a sense of unworthiness. It seemed absurd, almost unfair, that I should be privy to such profound happiness when so many are deprived of it. Amidst the love and beauty surrounding me, I felt a twinge of self-contempt, questioning my deservingness of it all. Composing myself, I turned back to interact with my daughter, masking the emotional journey I had just undertaken. The moment had passed, but in those brief five seconds, my mind had traversed a vast emotional landscape, completing an entire train of thought.